


Curtain of smoke and ice

by sammalfoy



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Hogwarts Eighth Year
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:01:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28223577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sammalfoy/pseuds/sammalfoy
Summary: Hermione almost lost Snape once.After he is saved by a miracle, Hermione decides to reveal her feelings that she had long kept.How to keep it a secret knowing that Snape almost died in a bloody war?She did not expect to have her feelings returned. All she wanted to do was tell the truth before it was too late, again.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Severus Snape
Comments: 2
Kudos: 31





	1. Prologue

Severus Snape has always been a mystery to me. Since my first year as a student, I have never been able to understand it. When Harry tell me about his memories, I didn't think I could do anything but accompany him in his recovery.  
Snape was unconscious for a long time, which was causing me an unusual anguish and mixed feelings were circulating inside me.  
There were nights when, looking at him sleeping, I just wanted to cry until I slept there. He was being taken care of in his Hogwarts quarters by a mediwizard who came to examine him daily. Minerva insisted that he remain there and receive the best treatment possible, with financial resources from the Ministry of Magic. I was in my senior year when he was recovering. Harry and Ron came back with me.  
Harry was because I doubted that he would be able to get away from Ginny right now and Ron didn't want to be away from us. However, every day, I let go of my best friends and went to him. I took a book and sat in his chair. The fire in the fireplace I kept burning made the room as hot as the Gryffindor Common Room. I always took the opportunity to read a book or watch him sleep.  
I knew I had certain thoughts that I shouldn't say out loud. One-half his age thinking about things? Things that shouldn't even matter? The truth is that a war changes people. Looking in the mirror, I didn't look at myself and I didn't even feel like a girl anymore even though I was still at Hogwarts.  
I know he would be furious, but I wouldn't give his anger time on me when he actually woke up. We had a lot to talk about.  
I had a lot to say and Severus Snape would listen to the last word.  



	2. Chapter one - the sleeping man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiii guys, ok, let me talk to you now  
> I am a Brazilian writer actually and I am translating my fic by my own, so I think that I am not free from making mistakes. So pleaseee please, let me now if you find something.   
> For those who ask, the fic isn’t complete yet, but already have 25 chapters and will finish with 30 or 35, or something between.  
> With that said, here we are to the first one.

Chapter one  
Harry Potter won.  
Voldemort had been defeated. My last year at Hogwarts was about to end amid the dust that the war left behind.  
I know that not everyone survived to tell the story, and that destabilized me, all these deaths in Voldemort’s hand’s. No more war. All that was left now were memories... and Snape. And, of course, with the memories, there were nightmares.   
Madam Poppy Pomfrey categorized this as post-traumatic stress, I still jumped with loud sounds and hated explosions, but still, I sighed with relief when I realized there was nothing more to fear. No dark wizard trying to kill us at the end of the school year. My only concern for a wizard in question was not because he practiced Dark Magic.  
Severus Snape. The man who never let anyone approach. The man who made a point of putting up a barrier so big that it pushed everything and everyone away. He just wanted some peace, even if he was alone. It was depressing; I was depressing for him and because of the war, after all, a battle like the one we face, does that with people. However, when I looked at Snape, everything changed perspective.  
Unlike everyone else, I saw Severus Snape. I didn't see the professor who loved to take points from Gryffindor and put everyone in detention. He always have been more than just that and was a shame that no one was able to see it.   
Since when Harry picked up the book of the Half-Blood Prince, I have known completely. Severus was too smart for his own good, so I went after more.   
I saw Severus with different eyes from there. Since Dumbledore's Army, I suspected that he was never as brutish as they said he was. Since I came to Hogwarts, I would like to understand him, in every way that was possible to someone get someone.  
“You are going to see Snape again?”  
Ginny. She was very different because of the war. Now engaged to Harry Potter and about to become a Mrs. Potter, Ginny was overjoyed. Her happiness was contagious even with the nightmares. It was cute. We were about to graduate from Hogwarts and all my best friend wanted most was a family and it is not as if Ginny wants anything else than Harry. We had enough of fight for good. Was time to them be happy.   
It was beautiful to see Harry concerned about the wedding date and not about an imminent death. I wish I could have the same concern, but when things got back to normal, I couldn't look at Ron anymore. I think he brought too many memories about a time that I wanted to forget.

When I remembered Ron, I remembered pain and suffering. I remembered when I was tortured and how he and Harry couldn't save me. I know this was no excuse to end a relationship. I know the culprit has always been Bellatrix. However, looking at Ron with romantic eyes, I couldn't do it anymore. We lost something in the war and I know it.  
The comfort I always saw when looking at the redhead was lost in the war and what could I do if while I was supposed to be thinking about him, I was thinking about a certain mysterious wizard who slept in the dungeons? I didn't want to regret it anymore.  
Severus was already awake, but I always went when he was sleeping, which was most of the time. He was supposed to be at St. Mungus, but again, Minerva begged Poppy to treat him here. She didn't trust mediwitches enough to leave him. Not everyone understood his or her war efforts. I looked at Ginny and sighed. She didn't think I should be going to see Snape, but at this point, she knew there was no point in trying to convince me of absolutely nothing.  
“You know I always will, Ginny.”  
“I'm worried about you and with my brother.”  
Before leaving the Common Room, I sat next to her on one of the sofas. I remembered all the other years when we cared about Voldemort. Now there was no more Lord Voldemort ... There was only Severus Snape unconscious and confused feelings that were growing in me. I just wanted to understand. I just wanted to understand myself. I knew that I thought about Severus longer than he was healthy.  
Since the fifth year, he had had strange feelings about Professor Snape. But from the first, I always wanted him to notice me. Give me points - or at least don't take them away. I wanted him to see for the intelligent witch that I am, but the problem was that he never saw. Now, thinking about it, it's almost funny to remember the fall I had for Professor Gideroy Lockhart. We can see that maybe I could be the type of girl who prefer older man’s. Just see Victor Krum. He was older too.   
“Do you think he'll be furious when he wakes up?” I ask changing the subject. I didn't want to talk about Ron.  
“You can't tell, Mione, but I think he will. Maybe more because you borrow his books and sit in your chair. He will be piss of with you”  
I laughed.  
It was very like that. He would kill me to make his room like my own.   
“He's still Severus, after all.” I said with a smile on my face.   
“And speaking of Ron ...” Ginny tried again, even though I made a face at her. “He is very sad, like more than depressing, he is miserable I think. Are you sure, you don't want to give him another chance?  
“It would be unfair to him, Ginny” and it would be unfair to me too. I would never forgive myself if I took anything with Ron forward. Knowing that Gina would leave me alone now after their conversation, she goes after my destiny.  
Severus Snape.  
Once again, I ran to Professor Snape's dorms. Minerva knew about this so I don’t worry too much. The new headmistress had given me permission when she saw me trying to dodge and get there alone for the first few days with Harry's invisibility cloak. I was still using it to return to the Gryffindor Common Room if was too late to get back to my room. Besides, I didn't want to get in trouble with Peeves. It was already too big for that. I didn't deserve a ghost pissing me off.  
But when I got close to his quarters, I saw a different movement that worried me. Two mediwitches and Professor McGonagall. She looked tired, not to mention exhausted. I frowned. It was unusual to see her that way. A single thought crosses me and I feel my mouth dry.  
“Hermione Granger.”  
“Professor! What is happening?”  
“Calm down Miss Granger, but Professor Snape woke up.”  
“And?”  
“He's fine, but furious.”  
I was confused for a moment.  
I was not there. I figured I could be safe from the tantrum if he woke up without me there, but apparently, I was distracted.  
“That was in his bed.”  
Then she handed me the Gryffindor scarf. Confusion and disappointment spread through me. I had forgotten my scarf the day before.  
“I forgot yesterday. I was going to get it today.”  
“We're lucky he didn't wake up with you there. For a moment, he thought the item belonged to Lily Potter.”  
A twinge hit my heart. I know it was stupid ... I know Lily was always the woman in his life, but why did I feel disconcerted about it? My fear was to be aware that my heart knew the answer.


	3. Fear of talking

I knew it. I knew my feelings but I didn't want to say them out loud. If I spoke to anyone - including myself, it would make them real. I was not prepared for rejection that would come with saying things to him. But, now that Snape has woken up. It couldn't be put off any longer.  
The truth why I would came back everyday to see him.  
The truth of why I always wanted to understand him, always wanted to understand the man that I supposed, theoretically (for my heart), I loved. Things are easier if you put logical on this, and this is why I was so terrify of talking with him. There's no logical on that. Hermione Granger in love with Severus Snape? For years? This is an a absurd.   
Harry Potter won.  
Voldemort had been defeated. I was so broken after all this, not knowing what to do with my own feelings.  
I know that not everyone survived to tell the story, but I was happy. No more war. All that was left now were memories ... and Snape. I remembered the faces of the people we had lost. Lupine, Tonks, Lavender ...  
Snape had woken up after days since the classes back to normal and now that he finally woke up, we had a lot to talk about. I had a lot to talk about and Severus a lot to listen to. But the problem was how. How to explain what even I couldn't understand?  
I needed to have courage. Honor Gryffindor. But the fear of rejection was so great that I tried to camouflage my own feelings myself. Lie to me. Lying to Harry and Ron.  
"Hermione! I got tired! I'm tired of waiting for you, all you do is dodge Professor Snape. Do you think I don't know? Contrary to what many people think, I am not stupid." Ronald Weasley was screaming in the Common Room early in the morning.   
If it was another day, I would have gone to his quarters. But he was awake so I would no longer have my refuge.  
"I never asked for it Ronald! I made it very clear when we finished. I don't understand why you insist on finding anything upside down."  
People were looking. I hated everyone about that drama. However Ronald didn't give me a choice, he had looked for it.  
When the whole scene was done, I went to the only place I had left to be in peace with myself.   
The library.   
Since the director returned the scarf to me, I had not returned there. I was terrified of her reaction.  
I had more classes that day. But with everything that was going on inside me and with Professor Snape I was in no condition to go and watch. That was it: Hogwarts' sweetheart, the unbearable know-it-all, Harry Potter's best friend and witch who had fought alongside her in the war found herself skipping a class.  
I spent so much time wanting him to wake up, that now that he had finally opened his eyes, I didn't know what else to think.  
Knowing I even knew. But I didn't want to say. I didn't want to say that those black eyes, I missed them so much and was afraid that I would never see them again.  
How do you admit you're in love? How can you admit to yourself that the person you love is a person who has been hated by so many others? Now we know the truth, but we didn't know it before. As much as I always saw Severus differently from the others.  
It was very difficult. My heart was beating in agony.

The man I love was almost killed. The man I love lived horrible times. When I fantasy about him, I had a safe space. A safe space to be Hermione Granger in love with a man who would never look to me with another eyes than he did before.  
He was rejected enough. He was loyal to Dumbledore for years and people turned their backs on him when he killed him. And I… I could almost think that he was and always was a Death Eater. My stomach churned with such shame that I felt one day if I ever doubted Severus Snape's loyalty.  
It was almost lunch when she was found in the library. It was Professor McGonagall.  
"Darling," the voice was tender, as if she wanted to protect me from some information. "Severus insists on seeing her. When he asked me what a Gryffindor scarf did there, I had nothing to say but the truth. I told him that a Gryffindor student came to see him every day. He still doesn't know it's you. Incredibly, he thinks it's Potter. He said it could be because of some sense of guilt that he couldn't imagine but no Gryffindor coming to him in those circumstances"  
"Professor, do you think you can curl up until dinner time?"  
It was still difficult to call her a director. Albus Dumbledore's memory was too vivid. The old director was remembered in any corner of this castle. I hated everything that Dumbledore make Severus go through, but now, I kinda understand the "the greatest good". A little, at least.  
"Okay, Miss Granger, but I don't think I'll be able to hold on any longer than that, unless you want to see him scandalize the Gryffindor common room." I was so scared of the scandall that he could make when he discovers that I would see him everyday. 

6 pm we would have an hour before dinner and I was excused from classes that day. Lucky me. I would need my whole head.  
I was making the usual way to his rooms…. And this time without the invisibility cloak. I ran into Draco on the way.  
"Going to see the dungeon bat?"  
"Shut up, Draco. You know that."  
A small smile was seen on Malfoy's lips.  
"I never thanked you enough"   
"But I did not do anything!"   
I knew it was my modesty. Well, but I hadn't done it alone. And was a plus see Draco trying to apolagize.   
"I know my father will rot in Azkaban. But I could never have gone back to Hogwarts if you hadn't testified in my favor."  
"Malfoy, it was the minimum. Your mother helped Harry. And you were just a scared boy."  
He didn't fight. Former Draco Malfoy would have yelled at me.  
"I know ... " he sighed "come on, Herms. Any day you want to talk, I'm here. Severus is waiting for a Gryffindor and he has no idea who it is" Draco laughed "I would pay to see this scene."  
Herms, the new nickname that Malfoy give to me. He didn't like Mione and I was ok with this.   
I rolled my eyes. As much as some attitudes have changed, he was still Draco Malfoy. Annoying Draco Malfoy.   
So, as much as I was terrified of what I would find in Professor Snape's quarters that night, I went on my way. Anxious to see him, even if I'm not fooling myself and saying to my heart calm down. He would piss me off from the first minute that he knew who the nosy Gryffindor was.


End file.
